Soqueloquies

On the Jukebox: "Tonight and the Rest of My Life" by Nina Gordon
Mood: Beachy
Quote: "Quit trying to make fetch happen!" ~ Mean Girls
Flair: Heck yeah!

In many ways a blog is a soliloquy. Think about it: it's a long, uninterrupted, monologue intended to give the illusion of unspoken reflections, private thoughts and feelings to an unseen audience by a single person on a stage. Yeah, that sounds a lot like what I do here. I would like to introduce you to another concept: Soqueloquy - the art of talking to oneself using an idiosyncratic language. Lest you should suffer from idioglossia (a language invented and spoken by only one or a very few people), I am here to explain some of my eccentric terms. Please note: I did not invent all of these words or sayings. Some have become incorporated after watching TV or hanging out with specific people.

Today I'd like to start by sharing some exclamations I commonly use. First, there are my "Swears" such as: fetch, bee feathers, wretched cow, douche rocket, and pizza shoe. Second, there are the "Wowees" such as: noodle salad, whashoo, woohoo, woot, and Fr'tac. Third, there are the "Name callers" such as: Punkluke, Hosebeast, L-7W, and my personal favorite - Treatloser!!! Fourth, there are the "needs little explanation descriptors" such as: whambulance, lameburger helper, metrosexual, and patheisad.

Let's look at an example shall we?

Wretched Cow:
Pronunciation: \ˈre-chəd ˈkau\
Etymology: Middle English akin to Old High German
Date: 1908
Origin: Anne of Green Gables (Movie)
1: extremely or deplorably bad, distressing, miserable, or contemptible mature female of various usually large animals regardless of sex or age.
2: any situation in which one finds themselves wishing they had such an animal to blame for their troubles.
3: any female who ruins another's happiness

You may have seen the movie this nifty little phrase comes from. Below is an excerpt of the scene in which the handy words are used in proper syntax.

SCENE: Muddy field

DIANA: Anne! You'll ruin your dress in that muddy field! Ruin it! She'll never get that cow all by herself. Come back! Stop! Anne Shirley, you are being ridiculous! Get out of the field this minute!

ANNE: I don't care about my dress! I must get the cow out before Rachel Lynde sees her! Alright, Diana, run! Corner her! That's it, Diana! Now, don't frighten her. This is what we've got to do: Maybe if we can get a hold of her we can force her over the fence into our field. Look, you fill the gap. And I'm going to make a run for it, straight toward her. With any luck she'll jump the fence.

DIANA: You don't mean you're actually going to walk through that mulch, do you?

ANNE: It's the lesser of the two evils, Diana. Or she'll get into Rachel's cabbage patch again.

DIANA: Alright! I have the gap blocked.

ANNE: Here, Dolly. Good girl. Shoo! Come on! You wretched cow! Don't even think about Rachel's cabbages. [she falls, Diana screams]

DIANA: Oh, Anne. Your stupid cow. [she falls]

ANNE: Sorry.

GILBERT: Well, the elegant and illustrious Miss Shirley. Relaxed while seeking out ideas for her next Rollings Reliable writing assignment, I presume.

ANNE: Well, do you suppose I'm here to chat with the bullfrogs? Be a gentleman.

GILBERT: You'd've been better off selling her last month when dad offered to buy her.

ANNE: Well, I'll sell Dolly to him right now, if he wants her. [Mr. Blythe laughs] You may have our darn jersey anytime you want to, Mr. Blythe. Well, this very minute, for that matter.

MR. BLYTHE: Done! I'll give you the $20 I offered before. Gil can drive her over to Carmody right now and she'll go to town with the rest of the shipments this evening. I promised Mr. Reed of Brighton a jersey. [he laughs]

DIANA: What will Marilla say?

ANNE: She won't care. Dolly was my cow, anyway. It's not likely she'll bring more than $20 at the auction. But when Rachel sees this field, she'll know Dolly was loose.

GILBERT: Anne, I'll be over this afternoon with your $20.

ANNE: Well, it's taught me a lesson: not to stake my word of honor on cows. [Mr. Blythe laughs]