Broken Hearted Monsters

On the Jukebox: "Heart of the Matter" by Don Henley
Quote: "... perhaps all the dragons of our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us once beautiful and brave. Perhaps everything terrible is in its deepest being something helpless that wants help from us." ~ Rainer Maria Rilke (excerpt from Letters to a Young Poet)
Flair: Sticks and Stones

I've decided that "The Formative Years" will be the theme to this week's posts...

Did you ever read that adolescent tear jerker "Bridge to Terabithia"? I read it when I was in the 4th grade and it changed my outlook on one particular thing: Bullies. In the novel, Janice Avery is the school bully who routinely steals little kids' lunches and charges fees to use the bathroom. The young protagonists get even with her and turn her into the laughing stalk of the school. The triumph is short lived when they later discover that Janice is the way she is because she is bullied by an abusive father at home.

Perhaps it was the timing of when I read the book. I was popular and secure in my identity. I had plenty of school chums and no fear of riding the bus. My experience with bullies was limited and my mother taught me how to turn them into friends. Little did I know that a short time later I would come to dread the words, "Seat's taken!" and would actually have a school assembly called where the principal paraded my brothers and me up on stage and declared that, "No one is allowed to go near these white children!" (That's a story for another day...)

I went from living in Mormon-majority St. George, Utah to middle-of-nowhere, poverty stricken Vacherie, LA where I learned a lesson in reverse discrimination. Besides me and my 3 brothers, there were five other white kids (mostly special ed) and a Puerto Rican family. The school was called 6th Ward (and deserved its prison title.) It was as a 6th grader that I endured threats by scissor wielding bullies who wanted to cut my long blonde hair off.

Almost without exception these attacks were brought on by simple misunderstandings. I had a hard time comprehending the local slang and accents and they didn't like my Yankee-girl speak. It didn't change when a semester later I transferred to a better school forty minutes away in Luling. There again language differences got me in trouble, coupled with trying to readjust to being allowed near other children again.

Sometimes we'll never know why we were singled out for attack. Was it our looks or manner of dressing? Something we said or did? The fact that the bully's secret crush showed interest in you even if you didn't reciprocate? And is verbal harassment considered an acceptable form of hazing for new students? Should you just shut up and take it or is that how school shootings happen?

Because of my meek mannered nature, I became the victim of bullies the rest of my school days. Mostly it was teasing, prank calls, and perceived threats... but there were physical blows on a few occasions. I remember being terrified of a girl in my new school who would stand behind me in the lunch line and whisper threats about catching me on my way home. The weird thing is that her rosy cheeked sidekick seemed genuinely sweet. How could someone that angelic hang out with the devil?

It didn't compute, so I knew that there had to be something more to this bully who I'll call 'Chris' (because I had more bullies called Christine, Christy, Christopher, or Chrissy, than any other name.) Chris stood a foot taller than me. Maybe that made her feel like a freak. I was short for a 6th grader but she'd be tall even for a 8th grader. She had a weird last name... that sounded like something a Russian spy might be called. Who knows? Maybe Chris was jealous of my petite build and generic sounding name. I only knew that when I looked at her I saw someone who seemed sad and troubled. She was a broken hearted monster that needed love not pitch forks.

After Chris continued to breathe out more threats I went to the school office to ask for help. I didn't want to tell them who the person bullying me was. I just wanted some advice. I was sure that I could save myself from a beating and help Chris without getting her in trouble. Instead the counselor made my teacher write down the names of the suspected bullies and I had to go to counseling with them (which didn't help me make a lot of friends.) Incidentally, the reason why Chris wanted to beat the tar out of me was she heard me remark that, "she spits in my hair" when what I said was, "gets in my hair" which is a Western term for annoying me. Of course the accent is to blame... and the fact that I hadn't learned to censor myself. From her side of the room Chris used to stare at me with her eyes narrowed to slits and that annoyed/ perturbed me.

If only all bully issues could be solved that easily. Chris and I called a truce. We were never friends and she still treated me with passive aggressive hostility in junior high, but by that time I had a whole new batch of bullies to deal with. Being Latter-day Saint meant that I got lots of anti-Mormon literature poked through my locker vents. I'm sure some of the kids were well meaning but ignorant, but some enjoyed writing "Burn in Hell!!!" on the pamphlets. There were plenty of nasty rumors and pranks that made me contemplate suicide on more than one occasion.

Probably the most ironic part of this post is that the one person I bullied was named 'Kris' and he was the only person newer than me in the school. Someone called him 'Kris the cockroach.' It caught on, but when I tried to use that cruel nickname they turned on me and said I couldn't call him names. I'll never forget the hurt look in his eyes - the betrayal by his only ally. I'm still sorry for it and apologized repeatedly to him. I was trying to fit in at his expense. I was a broken hearted monster that just wanted the approval of her peers and to make a friend.

I'm grateful that I learned empathy at an early age because it taught me to see the good in people. Now that I'm an adult with psychology training I've learned new insight into some of the troubled souls who tortured me. The truth is I have yet to meet anyone who loved their junior high experience. It was a formative time for our identities. We were all fighting hard battles and sometimes the true casualties can only be numbered in hindsight.

For anyone who saw me then as a monster, please forgive me and reframe your impression to see me as Frankenstein's creature longing for sympathy, but was shunned by everyone. That thought brings me back to my quote by Rilke - aren't all monsters really in need of help? As you encounter monsters in your daily life try viewing them as something helpless in need of your help and see if you can transform them into the truly heavenly creatures they are. Embrace the divine spark in everyone you meet. If we should meet again in person I will greet you with Namaste! 'All that is best and highest in me greets/salutes all that is best and highest in you.'

"Your Life as a Movie" Meme

On the Jukebox: "Movies" by Morten Harket (of a-ha)
Quote: "That sounds like a chick movie to me!" ~ Sleepless in Seattle
Flair: MErmaid MElody

Would it be a blockbuster or straight to DVD?
It won't be memorable at the box office but will have a surprisely huge cult following when released to DVD and played every 6 months on TBS.

What would you name it?
"Writer of Wrongs: Dork Queen Rising"

What kind of movie would it be (Drama, comedy, horror, romance, etc.)?
A lighthearted dramedy suitable for the entire family.

Where would it be shot?
On various locations in the United States.

What would be the movie's theme song?
"Back the Way It Used to Be (Dottie's point of view)" by Carly Simon

What 3 songs would you choose to play during the credits?
"Melody of You" by Sixpence None the Richer, "Book of Dreams" by Suzanne Vega, and "Over the Rainbow" by Eva Cassidy

What movie style would it be?
"Forget Paris" meets "The Wonder Years" with a snarky female narrator.

Who would you choose to play you?
Multiple actresses at different ages but Tea Leoni for the more mature version of myself.

Who would you choose to play your parents?
Carrie Fisher and Tom Selleck

Who would you choose to play your friends?
There would be multiple actors for each friend due to span of years it would cover.

What would be the main theme of the movie?
A coming of age voyage of self discovery: The plucky spirit triumphs and achieves her dreams.

Any funny moments?
Plenty of them will be funny and poignant.

Any fights?
Just comical sibling swabbles.

Any love interests?
A few ill fated crushes and one true love.

Any sad moments?
Of course because they give stark contrast and sense of harmony to the happier ones.

How would it end?
Happily ever after with a couple riding a lawnmower off into the sunset (wait... has that already been done?)

In a Perfect World

On the Jukebox: "Gabriel's Oboe" from "The Mission" Soundtrack
Quote: "In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love." ~ Mother Teresa
Flair: Peaceful Planet

I love the song "Nella Fantasia" which is an adaptation by Sarah Brightman of "Gabriel's Oboe" and has been sung by Celtic Woman, Il Divo, and Amiche. The words are full of transcendental beauty and peaceful imagery. Below is the English translation.

In my fantasy

In my fantasy I see a just world,
Where everyone lives in peace and honesty.
I dream of souls that are always free
Like the clouds that float
Full of humanity in the depths of the soul.

In my fantasy I see a bright world
Where each night there is less darkness.
I dream of spirits that are always free,
Like the clouds that float

In my fantasy exists a warm wind,
That blows into the city, like a friend.
I dream of souls that are always free,
Like the clouds that float
Full of humanity in the depths of the soul.



I've been reflecting on these lyrics as I watch the events unfolding in island nation of Haiti, which was devastated by an earthquake on January 12th. It made me proud to see how quickly the other nations of the world rushed to their aid. The Haitian motto is "Strength through Unity" and I think we've proven once again that we're at our best when we look past labels of citizenship, race, or religious beliefs and instead see one another as fellow inhabitants of God's glorious world.

It always fills me with joy to know that my hours of service are going to those who will most appreciate it. I am easing their burdens and bringing them comfort in some small way - small things with great love! I love volunteering with other members of the Relief Society to create quilts and put together hygiene kits and school supply bags. It humbles me to reflect on how blessed I am that I don't know hunger and that my temporal needs are continually met.

I am grateful for an education, a job, for the freedom to worship and exercise civic duties and a nation of abundance. Lately, it seems that our news has been focusing on the recession and how we're a bunch of "have-nots." While it's true that once again we forfeited Christmas gifts in our home due to economic challenges, we were blessed for that small sacrifice. Giving so that children don't go without is much more rewarding to me than a new bathrobe or a Blueray player. It is good for us all to remember that to most of the world we "average Americans" are the "other half" who have it so good. Please remember to be grateful for what you have and thank our Father in Heaven for it, pray for those less fortunate than you, and then do something to lift their burdens... if we all do this then it won't just be "In My Fantasy."

RANT #439

On the Jukebox: "Barbie Girl" by Aqua
Quote: "You'll like Amy. She's an artist!" ~ Barbie in Toy Story 2
Flair: Deep Thought

SOQUEL’S RANTS: #439 THE TERRORIST CONSPIRACY


This YouTube playlist goes along with the items I discuss in case you want to see any of the commericals or spoofs...

Listen friends, waxing nostalgic is never a good idea. It only leads to disillusionment and heartbreak. Try very hard to resist going back and revisiting things you fondly cherish. Sometimes seeing them through mature eyes will make you cynical. Here's what happened to me the other night.

I was thinking about how great some of the commercials from my childhood were - especially one from 1986 for Nestlé’s Alpine Chocolate that features Maxfield Parrish inspired MTV videography of white clad ballet dancers, a cellist on a mountain top, white horses running in the snow, and other beautiful imagery, and a ballad style jingle sung by Sophie B. Hawkins. I decided to check out You Tube to see if by chance it was out there. Indeed it was, and much to my great enjoyment all 4 versions of the commercial are there and as pretty as I remembered them (through my romantic 15 yr old eyes.) I hate white chocolate but I felt oh so glamorous when I would buy one of these bars. The marketing works, especially on the naïve. Now we know why the Parrish's painting is called Ecstacy – duh, there was chocolate involved!

I should have stopped while I was ahead. But I foolishly wandered further down memory lane and watched Matt LeBlanc (of Friend's fame) in my favorite Cherry 7-up ad "Isn't it cool in pink?" oh, yes! yes, it is handsome anonymous boy of my 16 yr old fantasies. Newsflash Matt: I was over you before my 17th b-day but I was still in love with my Guess overalls which were also featured in this commercial. I totally rocked that look.

Then the McDonald's McDLT commercials with Jason Alexander (Seinfeld.) How did we ever want to eat that stuff? Gross! Gag me with a pitchfork. I’m not even going to link to this ad because I know some of you still eat at Mickey Dee’s steakhouse. I should have stopped there but it was like a bad train wreck, I couldn't resist the temptation to look. Then on to the cartoon clips (Smurfs, the Littles, Rainbow Brite, GI Joe, He-man, etc) and toy commercials of my childhood. Here's where I realized adults suck! They ruin childhood for children with their capitalist swine ways.

I was happily enjoying the recap of all the Barbie products I owned from Peaches and Cream Barbie to the Dream House that took me three years of allowance to save for. I remember the girl power anthem jingle of the 80's "We girls can do anything, right Barbie?" This was the era where Barbie quit being a teen fashion model and grew up. She went to college, she became an astronaut, a school teacher, a Wall Street power broker/yuppie, a summit diplomat, a doctor (not just a 1960's candy striper), and owned her vet practice, fashion boutique, and jet. She even dabbled in the music scene for a bit with her band called Barbie and the Rockers (creative, no?) Yes, they were to put the ca-bash on the latest of Barbie contenders, Gem and the Holograms. Ah the happy times of the big 80's. Barbie was still queen of the fashion dolls, leaving people to ask Darci, Candi, and Gem who?

Apparently the Think Tank at Mattel decided to sit around resting on their laurels (which showed they were wearing them on the wrong end) and do nothing in the 90's. Yes, Barbie did run for President and had the most beautiful 'old glory' inspired inaugural ball gown but then she decided to sell out. The think tank decided to give Ken his first makeover in 15 years by piercing his ear. We should have known it was over. Oh, Ken! How could you leave your first job as a soda jerk to become a biker? We should have seen it coming since you could never commit to marriage.

This is the decade where Barbie decided clothes that had her own Barbie brand label were no longer cool and sold out to Benetton, Gap, JoeBoxer, SpongeBob, and yes, even Jell-o? I ask you, would J-Lo ever give up wearing her own clothes line in favor of Jell-o? I don't think so! What were you thinking Mattel Think Tank? Or better question, what were you smoking? Spokeswoman Barbie says, "I love America, now buy more crap! I recommend Coca Cola, Jell-o, Build a Bear workshop, NASCAR, Shrek, and Sponge bob! Selling out is the American way."

It used to be a dream of mine to grow up and design clothes for Barbie. I even made a removable mermaid tale for my doll back in 1980. I was way ahead of the trends curve. I planned to give her a collection of princess gowns, masquerade costumes, and redo her love boat disco dresses. She also was going to lose the blue eye shadow and bleach blonde hairdo in favor of real people coloring. When she started out in 1959 she was not a dumb blonde. No, that came in the '70's when she decided to briefly flirt with dirty hippies. Check out the meticulous detailing in the original Barbie fashions. They were beautiful. Remember, Barbie was the first fashion doll, inspired by a little girl’s love of paper dolls. Check out the lyrics to the first jingle below. Now that is classy stuff.

Barbie you're beautiful, you make me feel my Barbie doll is really me.
Barbie's small and so petite her clothes and figure look so neat
For dancing, at the rink, and bell, at parties she will cast a spell
Purses, hats, and gloves galore, and all the gadgets gals adore
Someday I'm gonna to be exactly like you til then I know just I'll do.
Barbie, beautiful Barbie, I'll make believe that I am you.
"You can tell it's Mattel it's swell"

Well, I used to think Ken getting his lobe pierced with a Goth cross, or Barbie hocking Jell-o was bad. But Barbie 2000 hit all new lows. The Mattel Think Tank decided to aim it's marketing at ages 3-6 because market research showed tween girls weren't interested in dolls anymore. So Barbie became grounded in unreality. Suddenly you couldn't buy a Barbie unless she was a mermaid, fairy, princess, or babysitter for her more popular younger sibling Kellie. Every year Kellie was getting more of Barbie's shelf space and commercial air time. What's a gal to do?

At first I couldn't understand how this was happening. It took a fair amount of research to uncover how deep this conspiracy to ruin childhood actually goes. In 2001 the MGA CEO, an Iranian immigrant and possible terrorist, Isaac Larian designed and unleashed his new line of alien prostitutes with removable feet. Along with their halter tops, faux fur armlets, micro minis, and ankle-laced stiletto sandals, and they wear the sly, dozy expression of a party girl after one too many mojitos. One look at these Bratz and parents should have asked, "When did the doll section turn into the porn shop?" As parents, we're forced to make tough choices. But trying to explain to our five-year-old daughters why they shouldn't be playing with pretend porn-star or pole-dancing dolls shouldn't be one of the battles we face. Or am I off my rocker, folks?

I love this quote from a father of a daughter who he is determined will have an innocent childhood, "I have dark fantasies about tracking down the toy executives who green lighted this trend and give them a full body waxing followed by repeated water boarding treatments in a tank full of rubbing alcohol. That would not really be overkill, since it turns out this hypersexualization of girls' toys is entirely intentional." Amen brother, you do it and I’ll put it on YouTube.

True! You could never imagine a Bratz doll assuming any of the dozens of careers Barbie has pursued over the decades: not Business Executive or Surgeon -- not even Pan Am Flight Attendant or Pet Doctor. Bratz girls seem more like kept girls, or girls trying to convert a stint on reality TV into a future as the new Brittney or Lindsay or Paris. The American Psychological Association confirmed what we already knew. In short, exposure to all those commercials, movies, songs, toys and advertisements featuring scantily clad females is harmful to a young girl's emotional and physical health. The report was based on an analysis of some 300 studies over the past 18 months and indicated that these sexualized images can result in young girls viewing themselves as sex objects.

Parents rejoiced when Mattel decided to fight back. After all, Hot Wheels, Barbie, and the Fisher Price division are the corner stone of the company. For her loyalty Barbie would be saved right? Not exactly, they gave her a yet another makeover. Actually, a make under of sorts - a breast reduction and waist enlargement, all to help young girls feel better about themselves. Good job Mattel Think Tank! No Goth Barbie girls here please! Check out the awesomely realistic faux ad for Goth Barbie and her accessories. Say yes to unpublished poetry and Joy Division albums!

How could that not work? The Mattel Think Tank must have been stumped. They then sat around and thought about how they could do something even worse to poor Barbie. Let's see, we've given half her shelf space to Kellie Club stuff, how about another quarter of it to some Bratz rip-offs? Either that or turn her into a lesbian by dumping Ken and bringing in a new love interest, like Rosie O'Donnell. Let's do both. Brilliant! Let's call the Bratz rip-offs the Flavas and give them belly rings and tattoos. I love it! We'll model them after popular amoral singers like Lil Kim and Christine Aguilera. The box will convert to a graffiti street corner for them to loiter on. It will sell like hotcakes. Trust us!

But parents were disappointed that Mattel, a company they thought had higher standards, was involved in the creation of these street hoodlum dolls. In the past Mattel portray Barbie to girls as friends, mothers, and career women. Now the new "Flavas" depict being low-life individuals as something you can aspire to, which will cause young women to limit themselves and their future. Good job indeed you soulless corporate Mattel Think Tank. How's this for a slogan? "Mattel guides your kids towards Hell" Personally the funniest part of this failed campaign was that on the commercial for the Flavas dolls they actually say, "My shizzle’s gone fazizzle!" No, Really? Who would have seen that coming?

Well, Mattel must have realized two things through new market research. 1) tweens do still play with dolls if they are slutty enough and 2) cannibalizing Barbie's shelve space in stores was a very bad move. Sales plummeted all over the globe. What could they possibly do to compete? I know give Barbie another makeover. We'll make her a teen ager again and give her cool and tech savvy friends. We'll call them Myscene and lure back the parents who won't buy Bratz dolls for their kids. Barbie and all of her friends will each be multicultural and each have their own boyfriend. Yes, this could work; show how real high schoolers are. Sort of a Lizzie McGuire/Hilary Duff Barbie - hey why not make those too?

This might have worked in saving Mattel but the girls quickly went wild. When the Bratz formed the band Rock Angelz the myscene gang had to form a band called Urban Desire. What the heck? Later with a bad case of teen age rebellion or angst Barbie decides to change her name to Kennedy - anything to piss off mom and dad. The last Myscene Barbie was Bling Bling Barbie who decided to run away from home and turn tricks with her gal pals. So being bling means to cover yourself in body glitter, have itsy-bitsy naval exposing outfits that barely cover your other parts, and trashy-looking high-heeled boots and fishnet stockings.

Thought: With so many celebrities taking the way-too-sexy road these days, do really need our dolls/daughters following the same path? Wait what's this? A picture of the girls partying in the limo while their Hollywood madam does business? Let's check out the Myscene special guest star doll. Why yes, it is her, America's favorite fire crotch, Ms. Lindsay Lohan. This makes me wonder when the Paris Hilton doll will be issued. Who needs another 911? This is how terrorist are really destroying America. First they create Bratz and then they infiltrate Mattel and ruin Barbie - the All American Icon.

Poor Barbie, how far you've fallen! Perhaps your best and last hope is the devoted collectors of all things vintage or weird. But they buy you online and not at Wal-Mart or ToysRus anymore. As for your Wal-Mart purchasers, you're stuck with the horrible Mattel Think Tank and their new anal retentive boss, Mr. Peabody. He is the guy who finally potty trained Kellie and decided you need a cat box with clumping litter. Tinkle Time Kellie, isn’t that just freakin’ tender and all that crap?

You have gone from world renowned fashion model with a 1959 - I want to be you when I grow up campaign to this lovely little number.
B-A-R-B-I-E grrl, B-A-R-B-I-E grrl
So cute! Uh-oh excuse us!
You potty trained Tanner
Good Barbie grrl!

Forget the Ferrari & the designer shoes; a pooper scooper is the ultimate accessory!
Please Barbie, for American girls everywhere, I implore you to quit making Tanner eat her own poop. I know you're upset and using this last commercial as some sort of political protest but really you make me want to buy the Bratz doll that walks her dog because she is not into animal cruelty. Knock it off Barbie, you're freaking me out!!! I told you hocking Jell-o was a bad idea! So there you have it folks... Whatever you do, don't wax nostalgic or you're likely to end up angry with terrorists, feminists, and corporate think tanks in general.

Signed,

“The girl who got a new Barbie every year until her 30th birthday; which was about the time when Barbie got her boobs done & a peeing cat that looked like a wooly sheep.”


This is the last Barbie I actually bought. I got the brunette version with the grey blue eyes because she parts her hair on the side with bangs & sort of looked like me on Planet Plastic.

Inevitable Journey

On the Jukebox: "Friday I'm in Love" by Dryden Mitchell (50 First Dates Soundtrack)
Quote: "Why are you trying so hard to fit in when you are born to stand out?" ~ What a Girl Wants
Flair: & Swedish Fish!

It’s about time for another personal update. I always find these posts the most challenging to do because I feel like nothing in my life ever changes. Sure, the scenery may vary but there is always a lot of repeated drama and static. It’s like listening to a playlist of the same song by different artists; no matter how different the music is you’re still going to get tired of the lyrics.

The main theme for 2009 seemed to be “Journeys.” I was preparing for one, taking one, or just coming back from one. Some were sentimental but most involved actual mileage. Grant and I had decided back in December of 2008 that we would move to Las Vegas for his career. I didn’t foresee so many false starts and stops along the way. Here it is January of 2010 and we still aren’t settled. even though we are in Las Vegas. It took much longer to sell our house (and we got much less than we hoped) and it’s taking even longer to find one here.

We’ve had to make a lot of compromises. Some involved leaving our belongings in storage in Utah and taking up temporary living quarters in a furnished apartment. I also had to concede that I wouldn’t be able to get a house in my price range with a pool (unless it was in need of major repairs) within our timeframe. Sure, we almost had one until the sale of our house fell through in Utah. Now we’ve offered on a home without a pool that will suit our needs if not our dreams. If we get it, we won’t take possession of it until March. That’s another month and half of apartment dwelling.

Apartment dwelling is difficult. We’ve been so used to having a large bubble of privacy between us and our nearest neighbors. The first time my upstairs neighbor turned on her washer I thought it was in my apartment. Their big German shepherd, Lucifer aka ‘Lou’, likes to converse with everyone but especially in the wee hours of the morning when they leave him on the balcony. I hate hearing the 2nd and 3rd story tenant’s taking showers. The sound of running water interrupts my sleep, along with the whacking sound of razors being tapped against the shower surrounds, the clearing of nasal passages, and the few that sing.

I’m guilty of singing. I try hard not to do it since I’m rarely on key. I even try to make sure I don’t play my music too loud for those around me. But I need it loud! It filters out the sounds of the noisy carpet cleaning vans, the kitchen wall neighbors’ fights, and Lou’s twilight bark report to the Chihuahua across the complex. Naturally, the water delivery truck parks in front of our bedroom window and idles for fifteen minutes with a Spanish radio station playing only when Grant is on swings and trying to sleep.

This place stinks. It’s a combination of stale air and the dust and cigarette smoke from outside. It’s hard to be a gourmet without a hand mixer or a colander. “My kingdom… my kingdom for a Cuisinart!” I never thought I’d miss my rolling pin so much… or my snorkel, 13 Going On 30 DVD, sand tray, or toilet mop. I’m just saying being rootless without your own identity is hard and therefore my neighbors must suffer because misery loves company (and hopefully Joshua Bell.)

Allons-y!

On the Jukebox: "Hey! Ho! Let's Go!" by the Ramones
Quote: “Think you've seen it all? Think again. Outside those doors, we might see anything. We could find new worlds, terrifying monsters, impossible things. And if you come with me... nothing will ever be the same again!” ~ The Doctor
Flair: Dr. Who-lala

I read a lot of fiction. My perennial favorites are British Classic, Fantasy and Sci-Fi. I recently had a conversation with an old friend about why this type of literature is so appealing. We concluded it was because it is the ultimate form of escape. Who wants to watch a show or read a story about people who are exactly like them and dealing with the same mundane sort of problems? Wouldn't you rather fight dragons/aliens or make out with a sexy (possibly shirtless) pirate/werewolf/vampire/time lord? Oh yeah!

It seems these days the need to escape our bleak reality has become something of an epidemic. When Renaissance Faires and Comic-Con are not available, reading or watching movies are an easy way to do so. That’s the reason why “feel good” movies do so well at the box office. (BTW, did you know that the movie industry is one of the few recession proof work forces out there?) It is nourishing and uplifting to the soul to witness scenes of compassion, beauty, and truth. We all yearn for some idealized version of happiness, but we all have different ideas as to what constitutes this Utopia. I’d like to cite a few examples from recent pop culture.

Stephenie Meyer is an author whose talent isn’t equal to her immense appeal, yet her work has a fanatical cult like following. Women of all ages hunger for more of the romance she wove between an everyman, errr, everywoman and a handsome and flawed vampire bad boy in the Twilight series. I highly doubt the appeal is based on the fact that the romance is supernatural so much as it is based on the hero being as near to Mr. Darcy as the rising generation will ever come. Women want to categorize their love story as something out of a fairy tale with a man that goes to extraordinary measures to win her and protect her. Ladies, please take note that even women who find charming vampire husbands need an escape: http://www.theonion.com/content/news/woman_married_to_fat_emotionally

Lest you think women are the only maudlin creatures out there to get worked up over ‘syrupy slop’, behold the appeal of James Cameron’s latest work, Avatar, which I thought bore a remarkable resemblance to Disney’s Pocahontas and Fern Gully: The Last Rain Forest, except with Smurfs and GI Joes and way better special effects. According to an article on CNN (found at http://edition.cnn.com/2010/SHOWBIZ/Movies/01/11/avatar.movie.blues/) Online Avatar forums are reporting over 1000 posts from people experiencing depression and suicidal thinking after seeing the film. What the heck???

Okay, I get it. Maybe that makes me a freak… but I totally understand. I go through withdrawals when my television series end (Pushing Daisies, Battle Star Galactica, Quantum Leap, etc…) It feels like I lost my dear friends and the world we shared. I get that way after watching all the clips from Final Fantasy video games or solving Myst – that was such a pretty place. I get sad every time I finish a Jane Austen novel even though I like the story’s conclusion. I hate the ending part of it – the same is true of the Harry Potter series and the LOTR films. It’s because I realize that it’s time to return to reality and face it with renewed strength and inspiration and I fear that it will be hard with nothing to look forward to.

Recently the 10th Doctor regenerated in the long running series Dr. Who. What the 11th Doctor will be like remains to be seen. I hope he is snarky and not ginger. I feel I lost another friend. Yet I like when the characters depart happily and the story ends with the Utopian sunset such as Rose and the new 10th Doctor on the beach (talk about sweet satisfaction.) The 10th Doctor did that for me, which is more than I can say about ‘Starbuck’ being some sort of weird half-baked angel. The BSG conclusion didn’t leave me with any warm fuzzies and I won’t be tuning in for any of the spin offs.

So why is too much escape bad for us? Easy – creating real relationships with other people is the key to happiness. We can’t spend our lives online or in books. Those characters offer us great examples of the best ideals we as humans can achieve, but we need to get out there and make our world more like the ones we long for. The most enduring forms of fantasy stories all involve the struggle to become perfect and protect that which is pure, the triumph of good over evil and true love over bigotry. So go out there and earn your right to say as my dear friend Bilbo Baggins, "I think I'm quite ready for another adventure!" and when you do I will reply with an enthusiastic, "Allons-y!!!" (which for those who don't know means "Let's go!")

Let's Review: Year in Review

On the Jukebox: "Ladies Choice" by Zac Efron
Quote: "Do you want the long version or the short version? And I have to warn you, the long version is in Aramaic." ~ Bewitched
Flair: Endorsement

In Let's Review I give my opinion of books, movies, food, clothing, and what have you. To start off the year I thought it might be nice to have a recap of some things I liked best in 2009. Please note that the items listed may not have debuted in 2009, but that's when I experienced them.

Flathau's Shortbread Cookies - I specifically love the Key Lime Snaps but if citrus isn't your thing try the raspberry, peppermint, butterscotch, or cinnamon snaps. Think Mexican Wedding cookies - a melt in your mouth-yet crisp, shortbread cookie blanketed in powdery sugar with a surprise 'Snap' of sweetness inside. There are tiny bits of candy in the sugary coating that add to the delight. I get mine at places like Ross, Home Goods, or TJ Maxx at about half the price as you might find in fancy grocery stores.

Books - I love to read and have broken this down into a pick for fiction and another for nonfiction. My fiction pick is "Life of Pi" by Yann Martel and nonfiction pick is "Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking" by Malcolm Gladwell. I'll probably review these individually in another episode of Let's Review.

Music - Again I like categories. I've got Classical, Adult Contemporary, and Pop. In Classical I'm going with Andrea Bocelli's Amore. I especially like his version of "Besame Mucho." For Adult Contemporary Sissel Kyrkjebø's Gift of Love is wonderful. Her version of "Calling You" is hands down the greatest I've ever heard. For Pop I choose Owl City. This young man is making his way into mainstream music with his song "Fireflies" but it's "Vanilla Twilight" on the same album Ocean City that I like best.

Movies - I didn't see very many movies this year and nearly all of them would be in my thumbs down list. The one that really stands out as being worth owning is "The Blindside", which is interesting because I saw all 3 of Sandra's movies this year and it's the only one that wasn't a romcom. "Up" was good but I'm not into owning it. I'll probably be adding the latest installment of "Harry Potter" to the collection.

Television Shows - Wow this year sort of sucked! I actually gave up watching a lot of shows that I used to faithfully follow. No more "Heroes" or "Ghost Whisperer" for me (talk about jumping the shark!) On the other hand I found 3 new gems to be excited about. "Castle", "The Dish", and "Drop Dead Diva" - reviews on those to come later!

Smell - "Sand and Surf" Yankee Candle car freshener smells just like my memories of the beach. The salty air, the overpowering scent of suntan lotion, and the hint of cinnamon sugar churros. Instant summer in winter.

Dish - It depends on what you're in the mood for. I love the "Orange Blossom Beef" at the Joyful House. That's a Las Vegas Chinese place. If you're looking for something a bit more accessible maybe you'll agree that the "Lobster Ravioli" at Romano's Macaroni Grill is yumm-oh! It's a simple dish of lobster-filled pasta sauteed with a delicate cream sauce topped with tender lobster meat and fresh oregano.

Product - Due to being a diabetic I'm always too dry. Add the desert climate to the equation and I have to use eye drops, lip balm, and lotion like crazy. I should buy them in vats from Costco. My mom introduced me to Aveeno's Daily Moisturizing Lotion - and I'm surprised at how well it works. It costs a lot less than my Mary Kay stuff and seems to be doing the job. I'm not itchy or smelly (I hate certain fragrances because they don't layer well.)

Website - Attention Latter-day Saint readers, if you have to sell or buy a home it's worth your time to check out LDSagents.com. In the past we've used other agencies (with no complaints)to manage this task. Looking for a new home in Las Vegas was a bit daunting. I wanted someone who knew where all the church buildings were as well as what the neighborhoods were like. The service is free. I filled out the form and had an agent and a broker within minutes. Working with Darren and Brandon has been great. Especially, since they get that 10% of our before tax income is going towards tithing and shouldn't be calculated into how much house we can afford.

Movie Star Meme

On the Jukebox: "Grace Kelly" by Mika
Quote: "Women's natural role is to be a pillar of the family." ~ Grace Kelly
Flair: Star Power

Which Movie Star Are You?

Ever wonder which movie star you are most like? A team of researchers got together and analyzed the personalities of movie stars. The gathered info has been incorporated into this quiz. There's only 10 questions so it doesn't take long. Number your paper from 1 to 10, then answer each question with the choice that most describes you at this point in your life, and then add up the points that correspond with your answers.

1. Which describes your perfect date?
a) Candlelight dinner for two
b) Amusement Park
c) Rollerblading in the park
d) Rock Concert
e) Have dinner & see a movie
f) Dinner at home with a loved one


2. What is your favorite type of music?
a) Rock and Roll
b) Alternative
c) Soft Rock
d) Classical
e) Christian
f) Jazz


3. What is your favorite type of movie?
a) Comedy
b) Horror
c) Musical
d) Romance
e) Documentary
f) Mystery


4. Which of the following jobs would you choose if you were given only these choices?
a) Waiter/Waitress
b) Sports Player
c) Teacher
d) Policeman
e) Bartender
f) Business person


5. Which would you rather do if you had an hour to waste?
a) Work out
b) Make out
c) Watch TV
d) Listen to the radio
e) Sleep
f) Read


6. Of the following colors, which do you like best?
a) Yellow
b) White
c) Sky blue
d) Teal
e) Gold
f) Red


7. Which one of the following would you like to eat right now?
a) Ice cream
b) Pizza
c) Sushi
d) Pasta
e) Salad
f) Lobster Tail


8. Which is your favorite holiday?
a) Halloween
b) Christmas
c) New Year's
d) Valentine's Day
e) Thanksgiving
f) Fourth of July


9. If you could go to any of the following places, which would it be?
a) Reno
b) Spain
c) Las Vegas
d) Hawaii
e) Hollywood
f) British Columbia


10. Of the following, who would you rather spend time with?
a) Someone who is smart
b) Someone with good looks
c) Someone who is a party animal
d) Someone who has fun all the time
e) Someone who is very emotional
f) Someone who is fun to be with



Now total up your points on each question:

1. a-4 b-2 c-5 d-1 e-3 f-6
2. a-2 b-1 c-4 d-5 e-3 f-6
3. a-2 b-1 c-3 d-4 e-5 f-6
4. a-4 b-5 c-3 d-2 e-1 f-6
5. a-5 b-4 c-2 d-1 e-3 f-6
6. a-1 b-5 c-3 d-2 e-4 f-6
7. a-3 b-2 c-1 d-4 e-5 f-6
8. a-1 b-3 c-2 d-4 e-5 f-6
9. a-4 b-5 c-1 d-4 e-3 f-6
10. a-5 b-2 c-1 d-3 e-4 f-6


NOW, take your total and find out which Movie Star you are:

(10-17 points) You are MADONNA: You are wild and crazy and you know it. You know how to have fun, but you may take it to extremes. You know what you are doing though, and are much in control of your own life. People don't always
see things your way, but that doesn't mean that you should do away with your beliefs. Try to remember that your wild spirit can lead to hurting yourself and others.


(18-26 points) You are DORIS DAY: You are fun, friendly, and popular! You are a real crowd pleaser. You have probably been out on the town your share of times, yet you come home with the values that your mother taught you. Marriage and children are very important to you, but only after you have fun. Don't let the people you please influence you to stray.


(27-34 points) You are DEBBIE REYNOLDS: You are cute, and everyone loves you. You are a best friend that no one takes the chance of losing. You never hurt feelings and seldom have your own feelings hurt. Life is a breeze. You are witty, and calm most of the time. Just keep clear of back stabbers, and you are worry-free.


(35-42 points) You are GRACE KELLY: You are a princess and a lover. Romance, flowers, and chocolate are all you need to enjoy yourself. You are serious about all commitments and are a family person. You call your Mom every Sunday, and never forget a Birthday. Don't let your passion for romance get confused with the real thing.


(43-50 points) You are KATHERINE HEPBURN: You are smart, a real thinker. Every situation is approached with a plan. You are very healthy in mind and body. You don't take crap from anyone. You have only a couple of individuals that you consider "real friends". You teach strong family values. Keep your feet planted in them, but don't overlook a bad situation when it does happen.


(51-60 points) You are ELIZABETH TAYLOR: Everyone is in awe of you. You know what you want and how to get it. You have more friends than you know what to do with. Your word is your bond. Everyone knows when you say something it is money in the bank. You attract the opposite sex. Your intelligence overwhelms most. Your memory is the next thing to photographic. Everyone admires you because you are so considerate and lovable. You know how to enjoy life and treat people right.

(In case you didn't figure it out I'm Grace Kelly....)

10 on the 10th January Edition

On the Jukebox: "Teach Me to Walk in the Light" by Michael Dowdle
Quote: "Remember that having religious observance in the home is as important as providing food, clothing, and shelter." ~ Quentin L. Cook
Flair: The Ultimate Top 10

One of my new features is “10 on the 10th” where I make a list of ten things on a given topic. January is a bit unusual because the 10th happens to fall on a Sunday which is, as you know, “Spiritual Thought Sunday.” Thus our inaugural theme will have to do with ten spiritual things. My first thought was to do the 10 Commandments or ten spiritual thoughts, but that would have been too easy. My reason for doing the ten item feature is to list things that are specific to me – such as the ten things I most often order at restaurants, ten items always in my purse, or ten pet peeves, etc. So to kick off the year here's my first list.

TEN THINGS ABOUT MY RELIGION THAT MAKE ME HAPPY:

1) The plan of Salvation
2) Temples dotting the Earth
3) Patriarchal Blessings
4) Every member a missionary
5) Early morning Seminary
6) The Young Women’s Theme
7) The companionship of the Holy Ghost
8) Celestial marriage & eternal families
9) A living Prophet who receives modern revelation
10) Knowing that I’m a daughter of God

It’s hard to stop with just ten things because primary songs and hymns make me happy too. And how could I leave out the sacred scriptures and general conference? I’ll probably do a list of my ten favorites primary songs or scriptures or conference addresses on other “10 (Spiritual Thoughts) on the 10th”

Sneak Peek #1

On the Jukebox: "Englishman in New York" by Sting
Quote: "Okay, that's it! No more using my butt for practice kicks!" ~ Sailor Moon
Flair: Royalty

It's time for a sneak peek of one of my works in progress. Here's the first page of my memoirs part 1: Writer of Wrongs: Dork Queen Rising

Everyone’s had a Raymond Brown in his or her life; that one perpetually socially backward guy who’s so clueless that it’s pathetic. You know the type: genuinely friendly but cloyingly over eager. The sort that in order to feel accepted, all too easily becomes a door mat for others to unappreciatively wipe their muddy feet on. The kind that like a stray dog laps up the crumbs of your charity and once he detects true kindness makes you regret any magnanimous act. And to that end in each life there is always a girl like Kelly Snow.

The universe is filled with duality and Kelly Snow is one of those ambiguous anomalies – simultaneously complementary and the polar opposite to Raymond Brown. Some might say she was his female equivalent while others would argue that she was his kryptonite. It’s all in whom you ask and when they might have known the enigmatic Kelly Snow. The truth is once a long time ago Kelly annihilated poor Raymond… but more on that later. Fortunately, like other forms of life that some might deem lower he came back stronger for the experience. Yes, Raymond Brown was a lot like a cockroach that survives a nuclear holocaust; Kelly Snow… not so much.

Kelly Snow was gifted a homogeneous name equally suited to being the peppy captain of the cheer squad or the cerebral captain of the chess team. Either way it had leadership potential yet this particular Kelly was neither outgoing nor exceptionally brainy. There were some who would describe her as a bookish and introverted pantywaist while there were others who might describe her as capricious with an audacious sense of humor. Most people would say she was nondescript, born to be a background actor in the lives of more exciting people. Be that as it may this Kelly Snow was a natural born leader; she just didn’t have many followers in her early years.

In fact her parents had reinforced this idea so strongly that it led to more than a few unpleasant incidents. Kelly was a first born child and only daughter, oldest of five siblings, a princess ruling over four younger brothers in the style of a true benevolent dictator. Her father called her his little princess and her mother gave her the name of a great queen in a famous piece of literature, which Kelly strived to live up to… but more on that later.

Potty Box Humor

On the Jukebox: "The Love Cats" by The Cure
Quote: "You know... like when you pee in the cat box how it stings your eyes." ~ Haven Snow, 1995
Flair: #2

I used to cringe when my friends would refer to their offspring as ‘little poops’ or other more colorful excrement-related words. Why would anyone bestow such an awful title on the very beings they loved the most? Fast forward a few decades and I’m finally beginning to understand although I didn’t push my ‘children’ out of any of my orifices. Ironically my fur babies were born in a litter and that’s what I associate with them. I’m often quoted as saying I got the pick of the litter box and I picked the crappiest cats ever! Grant calls them poop monsters.

It’s not so much that we got terrible cats. They’re not bad for being self-absorbed creatures who are used to being waited on hand and foot. That can’t be blamed on them since they descend from felines that were worshipped as deity in Egypt. When that is taken into consideration, my cats are incredibly self-sufficient. I think the problem is that we’ve had a long line of bad litter boxes and related products. No matter how hard we try or what litter products we experiment with the substance gets tracked out of the box and into other places where we definitely don’t want it. We’ve used Astroturf mats, boxes, ramps, and have even put the litter box in the basement so that the cats would have to climb up 26 stairs before arriving at the master bedroom.

All to no avail – I am still the princess and the pea gravel. I can’t sleep because even with fluffy feather pillows, satin sheets, and a silky nightgown I can still feel that miniscule piece of clay that managed to make it in between the sheets. It’s become one of my nightly rituals to pull back the sheets and brush them off before climbing in. I bet I empty close to 35 pounds of litter out of the vacuum cleaner every year.

What’s a girl to do? I’ll tell you what she’s not going to do… clean the litter box. Yep, that’s a pretty sweet scam that pregnant women got their doctors to pull. Since we’ve been trying to have kids for years Grant took over panning for cat turds long ago. Of course, he gets plenty of breaks when he runs off to play war in places like Iraq. Nothing says romance like a self-cleaning litter box. That’s what he got me for our 8th anniversary right before he took off for Honduras. It worked pretty well until we added the third cat.

Much like people, our cats have their own potty preferences. Some people get in and get out as fast as they can – usually on commercial breaks. Others like to take reading material into the library. My Sari-cat likes to dig, dig, dig to China and then do her thing. She also comes back and buries anybody’s business that wasn’t covered to her satisfaction. Flora is usually the guilty one when it comes to leaving things exposed. Tamsin was great until she reached old age. Now she tends to hang her tail too far over the box so that she’s standing in it and peeing on the corners. It clogs up the works for the automatic box and we have to come scrap it all out. I’m to the point of training them to use the people bathroom like Mr. Jinx in “Meet the Parents” except I’d be afraid of them not flushing. It’s always something! Meanwhile, I'm open to any suggestions that don't include killing or dismissing the poop monsters.

'A' is for Antidisestablishmentarianism...

On the Jukebox: "Kinder Words" by The Mighty Mighty Bosstones
Quote: "One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter." ~ James Earl Jones
Flair: Word up yo!

Did you ever read those books as children that start with ‘A’ is for apple; ‘B’ is for boy…? I see those types of books everywhere and can’t understand why they’re so popular. I mean there’s no plot whatsoever! Are they supposed to be vocabulary builders? If so, then maybe they should have an entire series that offer different grade levels. By the time a child is reading on a third grade level it would be ‘A’ is for applesauce; ‘B’ is for boyfriend… and once a reader reaches the junior high school level it would be ‘A’ is for appaloosa; ‘B’ is for boycott. Naturally the college level it would be designed for spelling bee champions with such gems as ‘A’ is for amaranthine, abyssopelagic, and aischrolatry; ‘B’ is for batraquomancy, bahuvrihi, and balbutient.

Do people even study the meaning of words anymore? I know they can’t spell. Even the word misspell is commonly misspelled. I’m guilty too. I love words but spell-check has made me lazy. Now that we’re a nation of texters and instant-messengers, our grammar and vocabulary skills are practically nil. I’ve read a few articles on how even most English teachers don’t use proper language. President Bush used to make up words and because they were absorbed into the pop culture meme they sound correct. I still think ‘strategery’ is a real word. But that’s okay because I hear people say ‘athleticism’ all the time and that’s not really a word either.

We’ve also gotten into the habit of combining words and phrases to create new words. Example: Our language is pathetic and sad… it’s pathetisad. However, I don’t really blame society for becoming lax in both vocabulary and spelling. No, on the contrary I blame the wordsmiths that brought us such gems as'Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia.' It’s the fear of long words and it is a whopping 36 letters long. They should have made it shorter if they wanted anyone to remember it – let alone try to spell it.

Doogie's Downfall

On the Jukebox: "Remember to Breathe" by Dashboard Confessional
Quote: "I really need to be more careful what I say on this blog." ~ Dr. Horrible
Flair: Sing-Along Blog

Let's get one thing straight: I was never a “Doogie Howser, M.D.” fan. It debuted the year I graduated high school so I was into more evolved shows like “The Wonder Years.” The premise of the Doogie Howser series seemed weak. First of all, if you start practicing medicine at the tender age of 16 maybe you can get people to call you Douglas instead of Doogie – did his patients ever take him seriously with a dumb name like that? I liked that the Boy Wonder kept a journal even if it was cheesy and cryptic. This just proves that he was not the genius that everyone thought he was. Why? Because when he’s an old geezer and reads back over his glory days he’s not going to have a clue what he was talking about.

I know because below is the journal that is full of sound and fury and signifying nothing that I kept for 2 ½ years. Case in point: I barely have a clue what I’m talking about and it’s only been 2 years since my last entry. I recall falling out a moving vehicle on the day we moved from Roy to Layton and some other antics that are alluded to but not detailed. Socrates wrote, "An unexamined life is not worth living." If your life was worth living (and thus examining) shouldn't also be worth remembering and learning from?

What I’m trying to say is learn from me and Doogie. Keeping a journal is a great idea but being clear is also important. It’s one of the reasons why I decided to start blogging on a regular bases – little bits of my normal everyday life leak into my posts and there’s a hefty dose of my personality so I’m pretty sure people can get a good picture of who I am.

Entry for January 2006
Today my doctor gave me the death sentence that may just save my life. Not to be corny, but I am gaining new insight into that saying 'live like you were dying.' It is something I plan to do. I have chosen a simple epitaph that I would like to live up to: a Queen for All Seasons. I'll talk more about that later. Here's to the start of a new journey...'

Entry for Feb 2006
Life goes on. Maybe not as we might have originally hoped or dreamed it would, but often in a better more meaningful way. I am nearing the end of a journey. One that has taken many years. I am eager to reach my destination, but also treasure the experiences I have encountered on my present course.

Entry for March 2006
Today I reached a decision which will impact greatly on my happiness. I need to move forward with my plans and not let naysayers voice either their opinions or concerns. As Billy Joel once said, "They can speak their mind, but not on my time." I am at peace with my choice and am convinced it will add greatly to my personal satisfaction.

Entry for April 2006
Gone with the wind...
As I look back on my time at Sojourn at Three Peaks (S3P) I can see just how far I have come. I am excited about the possibilities that my new home will provide. Who will I become there? I pray that it is the best version of myself to date. S3P was good to me and it was a charming starter home which never fit my needs. I outgrew the people and the place before I even moved in and yet it was a good practice for my new home (which is still in need of a name.)
Today is my first day in my new life. I am ready to step over the edge into the great unknown of my soul. I am armed now with lessons gleaned from the journey, a new appreciation for life, and a greater sense of God's care. Life is sweet and I am ready to reap what comes.

Entry for May 2006
I am making a rapid recovery from my recent injuries - how foolish to fall twice! I worried that my medical condition would cause more issues but am so grateful that all is going well. I have been able to hide this information from my new friends and neighbors. It is refreshing to be around caring people who have no preconceived notions as to what I can and can't do.
I am happy to report that I am well on my way to being my most authentic self. I am so pleased that I have not uttered unkind words of judgment regarding anyone in my new home. I have showed only the sides of myself that I want to develop more fully. I am trying to be as charitable and Christ like as possible.

Entry for June 2006
Oh Happy Day!
We had a small family gathering here in honor of my parent's visit from California and Father's Day. It brought me great joy to have a house full of people I love. It has been hard to be patient waiting for this large home to be filled with more than the two of us and the cats. I know the time will come when it will be bursting from the seams with love and laughter at all times. I am eager for that time, but know good things come to those who wait. My patience has rewarded me time and again with things beyond what I had hoped for. It is the most wonderful of teachers and time will flow by at a steady pace.

Entry for July 2006
Wedded Bliss
Sixteen years of it now... if you can believe it. For my soul mate and eternal companion I am most grateful. His ways are gentle and endearing. His words are filled with kindness and his touch is always tender. I will always appreciate the way he looks at me as though no other woman could ever be more desirable. I love his deep belly laughs, his slightly askew sense of humor, and most of all how he never lets go of my hand. I am so happy that true love will never end and that he and I will always be together forever.

Entry for August 2006
I still have not named my new home but it is beginning to feel like my final destination. We have remodeled and made it our own. It has new stainless steel appliances, new family room carpet, and new light fixtures. I also fauxed a few walls.

Entry for September 2006
Plans for Christmas Revelries are in full swing. I’m calling the project “Big Big Christmas” and I so excited about hosting a special family reunion. What a great excuse to furnish another guest bedroom or two. I’m glad the family suggested the idea when they were here in June. It’s nice to have something good to look forward to. I have been feeling very ill lately. I almost passed out at work. I’m worried. My doctor keeps running tests and taking blood samples every few weeks.

Entry for October 2006
The air is starting to turn crisp and have a slight chill in the mornings. Fall is my favorite time of year. I don't think we will have the much longed for and joked about Sweetest Day wedding this year but I'm sure that the weekend will be beautiful none the less. And I’m sure the girls in my office will have lovely weddings when they find their true loves.

Entry for November 2006
Another November has arrived and already I am counting the many things for which I am truly thankful. I have been blessed beyond measure. In reviewing the many ways that the Lord has provided for my needs I have finally decided on a name for my new home: Pietà Tenere or 'Tender Mercies.'

Entry for December 2006
A full home and a full heart. What more can I ask? We have been having the most wonderful time together at our big family reunion. We finally had the first professional pictures of the big family taken in over 17 years. So many new faces, so many new souls to love. My favorite part of this whole experience was our family home evening on Christmas night. The theme was 'Always Remember' taken from the sacrament prayer and it was a reminder that we should have the true gift of Christmas in our hearts every day of our lives. My heart is full to bursting and if it’s my last Christmas with my family I’m glad it was full of love and testimony.

Entry for January 5, 2007
Hooray for fresh starts. Here I am at the beginning of not only another calendar year but another year in my own life. Normally I would bemoan another birthday as making me older but now I have developed a better appreciation of how sweet a gift life is. I am not too distracted by the hint of crow's feet and the few gray hairs that insist on staying... maybe wisdom will come with them. I am so grateful that my doctor was able to rule out cancer. That’s been weighing on my mind these past few months. I’m still scared by what medical prognosis I’m facing but I know it will be all right. God is with me. As for birthday related news - Grant made a half and half cake this year. Does that mean I only age half as much?

Entry for February 2007
What a cold and rainy month this has been! It is funny to me how much snow we have had this month and when our visiting nieces and nephews would have longed for it when they were here at Christmas. When I see a fresh dusting with no foot prints I wish they were here to make those snow angels for me. It seems appropriate since they are my sweet angels and my brother’s children which makes them true ‘Snow Angels’!

Entry for March 2007
There is light at the end of the tunnel. My husband is nearing the end of his dual major. Just one more class to go. I hope I can hold onto my sanity and hold my tongue. It’s getting hard to go to work in the morning with a smile on my face. I want my freedom and don’t know how much more I can take of these new policies and silly micromanagement.

Entry for April 2007
Are we there yet? My husband's class has been postponed so many times that it is hard to believe that now he is almost finished with it. This will open up so many more possibilities to both of us. The radiation treatment went well. I hope it works.

Entry for May 2007
We just returned from a wonderful and much needed vacation in Mexico. We swam with dolphins, climbed pyramids, did a jungle and snorkeling tour, and enjoyed the beautiful waters. I feel so revitalized and we received an interesting proposal that we’re giving serious thought.

Entry for June 2007
Start the countdown. I have made another big decision. I have given notice at my 'day' job. I have been presented with several other opportunities recently. I can manage my friend’s boutique or stay at home and work for myself in one of several capacities. It’s wonderful to have choices. Hooray for agency.

Entry for July 2007
Shh, it's a secret. We're expanding our family and it’s not another cat. I can’t believe this adoption is actually going to work out but it’s looking good. We’ve even ordered new nursery furniture
17 years of wedded bliss. Hooray!

Entry for August 2007
Grant’s parents and brother Jordan came for a visit. We weren’t able to present our son Darris Breckan to them. He decided to stay with his birth parents. We’re happy for them. I was a little scared to be alone with a newborn while Grant is gone. We were fortunate to get a full refund on our nursery furnishings. I’m keeping my baby shower gifts.

Entry for September 2007
There is an ocean between us. My love is in Iraq with the Air Force. God Speed.

Entry for October 2007
Our long awaited pregnancy was short lived due to complications from the radiation treatments I had earlier this year. I have to have another surgery. I'm very grateful for the Lord's tender mercies and know all will be well. I don't know where this strength is coming from. I want to be in Grant's arms and sob. It was a surprise to discover that I had been pregnant since July. I only told my parents and my best friend so I’m grateful I don’t have to explain it over and over again. My little ‘Stardust’ will wait for me in Heaven.

Entry for November 2007
Made a speedy recovery. Decided to do most of my recouping in Santa Maria with family. Read the Twilight books and thought they ‘sucked’ and I can do better. Jay challenged me to put my money where my mouth is. My mouth is big enough so I think I will.

Entry for December 2007
Have kept myself very busy. Managed to crank out first 100 pages of Work in Progress in just under two weeks. If I keep my pace up I should have an estimated 500 pages done of the first draft by beginning of the year. The research took longer than I anticipated but has yielded a great deal of subplot possibilities. It feels good to create life even if it’s only on paper. It will be interesting to watch my ‘children’ grow. Went back to Santa Maria for Christmas.

Entry for January 2008
Have managed to catch every flu bug, virus, and bad break that is going around. Also managed to destroy my computer. I am hoping that Grant can recover the main hard drive. Meanwhile have bought a small replacement computer but have no plans to get too attached to it. Between computer issues and illness have made no progress with my writing. I’m so glad he’ll be home soon. PS: had a birthday that was again overlooked. llama llama duck!

Entry for February 2008
Still at it. Outlined a few chapters for Work in Progress. I should look into getting a part time job since Grant will be coming home from Iraq soon. Who knows how long it will take to get something published.

Entry for March 2008
Grant did not come home from Iraq yet (bummer.) I have managed to maintain a grip on reality despite being very disappointed. I have made great strides on Forks - about another 100 pages. Sometimes when talking with my friends about this book I refer to it as "the Great American Novel" or "Jane Austen in a Blender" I've done a good job at disguising what the book is really about. It should be a surprise when someone finally gets to read the finished draft.

Entry for April 2008
Not much new to report. I am still kicking around in this big house all on my own. We think now Grant might get to come home in June but I'm not going to hold my breath. The situation is pretty bleak but I feel great peace. I'm going to make the best use of this time off of work (while his war pay is taking care of our bills.) I'm now another 100 pages into Forks. It is starting to amaze me how good the story is becoming for something that I originally labeled 'My throat clearing, knuckle cracking, warming up, throw-away book.'

Entry for May 2008
Well here it is May and no big surprise, still no Grant. His orders have been extended so maybe next month. I'm beginning to sound like a broken record. On the plus side I am now 445 pages into Forks which will probably be a 550 page book. I'm writing as much as possible in hopes of having a finished draft completed before Grant gets home. The book got another nickname, "Four weddings and One Hundred Funerals" so I'm sure my friends will be surprised when they actually read it. One of my friends recently guessed a major plot twist based on the Jane Austen in a blender conversation but I hope my startled expression didn't confirm it for her. It should be shocking when people discover the how bizarre the love triangle really is! My goal is get this thing done in the next few weeks so I can get some feedback and get to the rewrites. The only people who have seen anything are my in-laws who I gave the first 100 pages to at Christmas to prove I was working on the goal we discussed. Their comment was, "When is it going to get funny?" Apparently I am such a smart a$$ that everything I say or write should sound like me. This book is more of a sci-fi fantasy romance thriller type thing so I can't say it will get much funnier until like the 18th draft. Sorry folks!

Meme Monday

On the Jukebox: "Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy" by Stinky Wizzletreats
Quote: "I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uhmmm, some people out there in our nation don't have maps and uh, I believe that our, I, education like such as, uh, South Africa, and uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should, uhhh, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, should help South Africa, it should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future, for us." ~ Caitlin Upton, Miss Teen South Carolina 2007
Flair: Meme Dream Theme

Think fast! What do Chuck Norris, Bill Gates, and the Star Wars Kid have in common with the Hamster Dance? No idea? What about Evil Bert, Jib Jab, and Cake Wrecks? Well, in case you’ve been living in a cave or under a rock (I’m talking to you Osama), you are probably aware to some extent of this little thing called the Internet and its power to disseminate information at the speed of light. How often have you been asked to forward an email chain letter for Mr. Gates or received the email filled with the world’s cutest puppy pictures? Ever notice how you get the same email or hyperlink within a few days of each other? Is it a plot to influence the way America feels about politics, shopping, and fabric softener? You’d better believe it!

My inbox is constantly under siege by people who want me to take easily manipulated quizzes on what famous actress I am most like, which fruit represents me, and other weird personality indicators. Oh and don’t get me started on the glurge! I detest glurge for its ‘Chicken Soup for the Soul’ wannabe preachy triteness. Double bleh! As a Facebook user I get tagged on a regular basis to fill out forms on what’s on my MP3 player, what I ate for breakfast, or who I last texted - you know I’ve been replaced by an alien clone if I ever text anyone.

All these things are a form of memes (rhymes with dreams.) I’ve decided to dedicate Mondays to all thing Meme-related. I’ll post my creative answers to popular meme type quizzes and links to ridiculous but funny videos such as “Charlie Bit Me” or photos on “Totally Looks Like” and such. By now you probably know what a fan of Wikipedia I am so let me just give credit where it’s due. Here’s what they have to say about Internet Memes.

“The term Internet meme is a phrase used to describe a catchphrase or concept that spreads quickly from person to person via the Internet, much like an esoteric inside joke. At its most basic, an Internet meme is simply the propagation of a digital file or hyperlink from one person to others using methods available through the Internet (for example, email, blogs, social networking sites, instant messaging, etc). The content often consists of a saying or joke, a rumor, an altered or original image, a complete website, a video clip or animation, or an offbeat news story, among many other possibilities. An Internet meme may stay the same or may evolve over time, by chance or through commentary, imitations, and parody versions, or even by collecting news accounts about itself. Internet memes have a tendency to evolve and spread extremely quickly, sometimes going in and out of popularity in just days. They are spread organically, voluntarily, and peer to peer, rather than by compulsion, predetermined path, or completely automated means.

The term may refer to the content that spreads from user to user, the idea behind the content, or the phenomenon of its spread. Internet memes have been seen as a form of art. There exist websites that collect and popularize Internet memes as well as sites devoted to the spread of specific Internet memes. The term is generally not applied to content or web services that are seen as legitimate, useful, and non-faddish, or that spread through organized publishing and distribution channels. Thus, serious news stories, videogames, web services, songs by established musical groups, or the like are usually not called Internet memes. Often Internet memes include references to current items of pop culture, such as popular movies, celebrities or news. Some examples of this are Examples include Rickrolling, lolcats, Keyboard Cat, "All your base are belong to us", the Chuck Norris facts, or the "Sparta!" meme, quoting (or 'referencing') popular lines.”

Just think now you have a reason to look forward to Mondays but I caution you not to let it interfere with your work. Check out my blog on your breaks and be sure to send me your suggestions for Meme Mondays. Oh and one more thing, “Leave Britney alone!”

A Pearl of Wisdom

On the Jukebox: "All Good Things" by Sissel
Quote: "Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops at all." ~ Emily Dickinson
Flair: A Gift of the Spirit


I’ve been on a Charles Dickens kick lately. Perhaps it was because he too was a writer who did serial installments in a newspaper column. I find his work inspiring on many levels but especially for his rhythmic prose, intricate plots, and life altering transformation of characters such as Ebenezer Scrooge. In one of his better known works, “A Tale of Two Cities” he wrote an opening line that even those who haven’t read it may recognize:

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness; it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity; it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness; it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair; we had everything before us, we had nothing before us; we were all going directly to Heaven, we were all going the other way."

Was Charles Dickens speaking of his time or ours? Considering our modern marvels and better living conditions it appears at first glance as though 2010 has very little in common with Victorian England. Yet we are in a recession and many are out of work and worry about their family’s needs and what the future may bring. How timeless is the human condition of opposition! How wonderful and terrible it is to have duality in our lives. We must know the bitter to appreciate the sweet.

As a child I was taught that faith and doubt cannot dwell in the same place. So it is with hope and despair. Hope has the power to fill our lives with happiness and peace. Hope is a gift of the spirit. The Apostle Paul speaks of the importance of faith, hope, and charity in our lives. My favorite Book of Mormon prophet Moroni was the last of his people yet he believed in hope, even after witnessing the complete destruction of his civilization.

Storms of opposition may surround us but the things we have hope in can sustain us. Even Jesus Christ, who was perfect, experienced discouragement and difficulty. These are the most powerful tools of the adversary. Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf taught, “Hope in God, His goodness, and His power refreshes us with courage during difficult times. There may be times when we must make a courageous decision to hope even when everything around us contradicts this hope. Faith, hope, and charity complement each other, and as one increases, the others grow as well. These lead us to abound in good works and in peace and happiness.”

We are standing at the beginning of not only a new year but a new decade… one fresh and filled with hope. Remember when you feel discouraged, worried, or lonely to never give in. The winter of despair is over it’s time to embrace the spring of hope. For those who make New Year’s resolutions, resolve to have more hope. Take a bright outlook on things. The power of positive thinking will do wonders. Of that I am positive!

Welcome Back Blogger!

On the Jukebox: "It's All Coming Back to Me Now" by Meat Loaf
Quote: "Up your nose with a rubberhose!" Vinnie Barbarino
Flair: Mr. Kot-tair

Furlough is over and it’s time to get back to work. My first thought was to post the surplus of essays that were written for the past year, but really, the purpose of a blog is to journal your deep thoughts. I’d hate for anyone to miss out on all that brilliance and in all honestly how many people are going to go 279 posts back in the archives? It’s not likely to happen so I’ll just save them for rainy days… i.e. when I’m busy with other writing projects. I decided to do some overhauling of my column. Welcome to my Totally Awesome New Format. What you can’t see the difference? Fine, I’ll demonstrate some of the marvelous features. Be prepared to be amazed.

1) It still starts with an inspiring piece of flair, quote, and whatever random song is playing on my MP3 player*, all which illustrates the mysterious workings of my mind. They may or may not be connected to the topic of the day, but there is usually at least one unifying factor between the 3 items and my post. Good luck trying to figure it out.

2) New weekly and monthly essay themes such as ‘Meme Monday’, ‘Let’s Review’, ‘10 on the 10th’, ‘Deft Definitions’, ‘Rancorous Rants’, ‘Dear Blabby’, ‘Writer’s Block’, and ‘Thanks for Asking.’ Also some new flair themes. I'll be keeping my 'Spiritual Thought Sunday' but retiring a few other features.

3) 17% more snarky comments, same great taste. My taste was never in question!

4) Fewer entries but more substance. We can all do with less filler. I unabashedly admit that my Saturday entries were often done in a half-hearted way. Therefore I reserve the right to take all Saturdays (and any other days I see fit) off without apology. Be aware that I try to work the same days as my spouse who is on rotating shifts. Although I love doing this blog, I need to concentrate on areas of writing that will bring in money such as my Ethereal Dreamer series.

5) More cowbell… well that just goes without saying!

So there you have it. I’ll explain the new themes in the corresponding introductory posts. I’m looking forward to another fun year of sharing my thoughts with you. I want to thank my readers for their feedback and suggestions. Write on!

* Music selection may be chosen randomly by the Jukebox or randomly from a playlist created by a keyword search. It cuts down on how much Christmas music I have to listen to in my 250G collection.