Wiser, but not Older

On the Jukebox: "Sweet Sixteen" by Billy Idol
Mood: Ambivalent about aging
Advice: "Tell people you're older than you are. You'll always look fabulous for your age!" (it's been my beauty secret for years!)
Flair: Birthday bonus - in honor of the one who understands best

Why is it that when they drag the primary teachers up to recognize their B-days they always sing the song "You've had a birthday - shout hooray!" and then they like to emphasize the one year older part...? Grrr! I guess if they really wanted to make me feel old they would sing "Happy Happy Birthday Children Dear" because that is OLD school.

I generally hate my birthdays because of the following reasons:

1) It is often the day that you go back to school or work after Christmas break. This makes it impossible for people to tell I am wearing my new B-day duds as opposed to clothes I got for Christmas. Everyone is sporting new stuff. LAME!!!

2) Everyone is tapped out from buying Christmas gifts so people skip my party so they don't have to get me anything or they give me a combined Christmas/B-day present. When relatives do this it is unfair because I still get a 'cross stitched kangaroo in a hoop' while my brothers (whose B-days are spread out through the year) get an action figure for Christmas and another for their B-day. Again LAME!!!

3) It is inevitably forgotten about because it sneaks up on everyone - every year mine was the only birthday that did not get doughnuts in seminary. Friends used to give me cards 3 weeks late and claim they were lost/forgotten about in their lockers. It's not about cards or presents, it's about feeling special. LAME!!!

4) Fires and other natural disasters. My mother canceled my surprise party for my 16th B-day due to a storm warning (yes, a tropical storm in New Orleans in January!) But perhaps more disappointing was the fact that the guy I wanted my sweet 16 kiss from was invited and would've come (but let's face it, he wouldn't have kissed me...) Repeat after me: LAME!!!

"What about the fires?" - I'll tell you more later.

In order to combat the above mentioned B-day related problems I went out and recruited a soul mate who would understand these unique B-day related issues. That's right, the man of my dreams has the same B-day. Now we take turns aging. Every other year it is my turn to have a cake, although sometimes Grant makes a 1/2 & 1/2 B-day cake (that's half chocolate cake with chocolate frosting for him and half white cake with chocolate frosting for me.) He thinks it's unfair to have to make his own B-day cake and I can't blame him. Another perk of having a spouse with the same B-day is that he never forgets mine unless I forget his. How very reasonable!

Remember what I said before about people who combine Christmas and B-day gifts? Funny thing. It's happened more than once that we've gotten a card that says "Merry Christmas/Happy B-day to the two of you" Really? You couldn't spring for 3 cards? Better yet, they combine the gift BUT it is for both of us for both occasions. The only time this was acceptable was when Grant's parents gave us a computer and printer and the card said "Merry Christmas/Happy Birthday/Happy Anniversary for the next 5 years." And they meant it! Again, how very reasonable!

I'll tell you right now that so far this is the oldest I've ever been. Now, I've heard that saying for many years about how you're only as old as you feel: What a crock!!! Lately, due to health issues, I feel about 70 years old. BUT a 17 yr. old is trapped in that 70 yr. old body. I've been 17 for many years now. I should probably mention that when I actually was 17, people said I was an old soul trapped in a young body. At the time, 30 was OLD, so now I'm about my natural age if you average these ages together. Perfecto!

This is the year that I'll finally turn 30. I've been told that 40 is the new 30 so that makes 30 the new 21. What you don't believe I'm 30 this year? All right, I'm not. I've been celebrating my 29th B-day for many many years. This was for several reasons. 1) people under 30 don't trust/understand people older than 30 (and vice-versa)and 2) I had certain life goals that needed to be accomplished by 32 and being 29 over and over again helped me feel like I might actually complete them on time. (More about that some other time) This goes right into why I don't make New Year's resolutions and set silly goals. It's funny when I tell people I'm celebrating my 10th annual 29th B-day this year. First they try to do the math... but they usually get it wrong because they forget to count the original 29th B-day. Most decide it's not worth the effort to understand because they get that age is a relative thing - only your relatives know how old you really are.

Would you believe the real reason I don't want to age is because I'm afraid of fire? On more than one occasion, I have caught fire on my birthday. I am an expert in stop drop and roll. Ask me another time and I will tell you what happened the year I turned 16. I can't listen to "Sixteen Candles" without having post traumatic stress flashbacks. Getting older means more candles and thus more risk of burning. That's why every year I get better but not older.