Behind the Fuchsia Door

On the Jukebox: "Don't Get Me Wrong" by the Pretenders
Mood: Fair partly cloudy
Quote: "Never judge a book by its cover."
Flair: Creme Brulee


Two women at a wedding are conversing. One says to the other, "Look there's the wedding planner. She must lead such a romantic life." They're glancing in the direction of a poised and sophisticated career woman. Then the scene cuts to the wedding planner after her long work day. She's wearing old sweats and eating a frozen dinner in front of the the TV set. Romantic and glamorous? It all depends on what you see.

How is this applicable to me? Perhaps the only glimpse some people have of me is when I'm 'dressed for success' so to speak. I know I'm on display so I behave the way I'm expected to for the occasion. If it's a work event I'm professional, if it's a family function I'm casual, if it's church thing that I'm not in charge of I'm supportive - and if I am in charge I'm dependable.

I'm a multi-faceted person so each of these glimpses will reveal truth, but not necessarily the entire picture of who I am. There are people who think I'm extroverted and vivacious when really I'm not. They just happen to be around when that's the expectation I need to meet. My true nature is introverted but I have great range. I'm a busy person so not many people are given the opportunity to really get to know me. This leads to all sorts of amusing stories.

Take this one for example:

A few years ago I lived in another town where we built a home in a starter neighborhood (big mistake but that's another post)... I was busy holding down a full time job and attending school full time as well as serving in the Primary presidency. I was stretched very thin during those years in all ways except my physical body (drat!) I didn't have a lot of time for socializing with my new neighbor or ward members. Most didn't care to get to know me and that was fine. I had a great visiting teaching companion - who knew me well and she shared with me a story.

She had attended some sort of home party where you could buy food storage products (only in Utah, right?) and the demonstrator was putting some pressure on her hostess to increase her sales by taking brochures around to her neighbors who didn't attend - especially those who might have higher disposable incomes. Immediately several ladies suggested me because in their eyes I was the ultimate DINK (double income no kids.) My companion proceeded to tell me the weird and amusing speculation about me.

The first thing that baffled these ladies was my resistance to conformity. My house was a landmark in the neighborhood because I had paid extra to have my bay window peaked and one of my front bedrooms bumped out. I didn't want a flat cracker box. To top it all off had my door painted burgundy. Except the paint wasn't mixed right and it came out a bit brighter like a lipstick fuchsia. No problem, I worked around it with my landscaping. It looks really nice and you can see it on my photo gallery blog.

Any way these ladies wanted to know what sort of woman paints her door that color? Some had been brave enough to sneak a peek through my bay window when there weren't any cars in the driveway (we didn't have a garage.) They reported to the others the impression of my formal living room with the faux painted accent wall and glass curio full of art pieces and elegant tapestry covered furnishings. This small glimpse coupled with the nice church wardrobe (it doubled for work) gave them a faulty impression.

This woman ate off of her wedding china with lit candles regularly. She would never wear a mu mu to do chores - she would have a maid to clean her house that was never dirty any way. She probably went to the opera or ballet (true) and didn't enjoy TV or sports (not true!) She never went to Wal-mart and bought everything at full price without batting an eyelash. So not true! Furthermore, she didn't like children and was more interested in the things of the world than in the joys of motherhood. Ouch!

If they had held up a mirror for me to see what they saw I wouldn't recognize myself. I am not who they saw. I long for children. Nearly my entire wardrobe is comprised from things on clearance racks. I scrub my own toilets (probably not as often as needed)... I eat PB&Js and like macaroni and cheese. I don't even own wedding china! Furthermore we didn't have a disposable income. We were paying off cars, the house, student loans, and medical expenses. We were saving for IVF and the pricey fertility drugs it required because our insurance didn't cover it. We got free tickets to the ballet. We attended free concerts because they fit our budget. We got $1 movies rather than going out.

But of course they can't see what's really going on behind the fuchsia door. It's like in The Wizard of OZ when Toto pulls back the curtain to reveal Henry Gale instead of the mighty OZ. What you see may not be the whole truth. I've never tried to be something I'm not, but often that's how I am portrayed in the minds of others.