It's in the Genes

On the Jukebox: "Out of my Head" by Fastball
Mood: Tolerable, but highly suitable to a Rant
Quote: "No stupider than acid wash." SLN ad for 3 legged jeans.
Flair: Gene Pool


What's the deal with jeans these days?

I can't find any that make my butt look good. I've learned to live with that because it's wider than it used to be. What I have a hard time dealing with is the fact that hardly anyone looks good in jeans anymore. It's not because they have lumpy bodies, but rather the fact that the fashion industry has conspired to mislabel all the pants and quit making them to fit real people.

Oh sure, the fashion industry has always "cutting edge" coming up with all sorts of wacky ways to get us to buy new dungarees. They create fads like bell bottoms, hip huggers, and the infamous Wranger butt. These are fine, but how about a little choice for people like me who are 1) short and don't want to roll their pants up 2)old enough that now the "Mom" jeans (that SNL spoofed) look appealing?

I spent the better part of a long weekend searching for a pair of jeans that would fit decently. No luck. If they fit all right in the store, after a few wearing the Lycra stretched to the point where I couldn't keep them on my waistline. I was afraid to go back for the smaller size because if they didn't stretch to my expectation I wouldn't be able to breath - Heaven help me if I sneeze! Did I mention that the jeans I can't keep on my hips are labeled 3 sizes smaller than the tightest pair of jeans in my closet? How random is that?

Guys are lucky. They go into a store, walk up to the shelf, select the measurements (30 x 33) or something to that affect and buy them. They don't even have to try them on! Perhaps the worst thing about modern jeans is that the promote gender confusion. Lately I've seen so many (what I believe to be) young men walking around in pants I discarded about 20 years ago. I'm sure you've seen them too. The kids in the EMO skinny jeans, which must have come from the Misses department of Sears. I thought nothing could be worse than the baggy, belt around the bottom of your butt and show the world your boxers look but I was wrong. Then came the hip huggers (ala muffin tops) with show the world your thong, but this latest fad.... I don't want to know what's in your pockets and I especially don't like the way they make you look like you have load in your pants. Why??? Why must you wear them so low? Is it so you don't look like a member of Aerosmith or another 80's rocker? I don't get it! If you were my kid, I'd force you to dress like Wally Cleaver or some other clean cut youngster.

Ack! When did I get old? I was in the commissary the other day and this teenage guy? passed me in the drink aisle. It was all I could do to restrain myself from exclaiming, "Oh my gosh, you look just like my senior picture!" because I'm sure he would have been wounded for life. So I make this plea to all children born after 1990 - leave your parent's clothes alone. Leave them their Guess! and their Jordache, and even their childhood Toughskins. Leave them their kindergarten Bobby Brady haircuts. Leave them back their Pink Floyd, Led Zepplin, and NKOTB concert T's, and one more thing: Please give us back our MTV!!!