Bruised Ego

On the Jukebox: "Scarlet" by All About Eve
Mood: Surprisingly Good
Quote: "Be grateful for unanswered prayers. It just means God has something better in store for you."
Flair: What's Your Excuse?

Time heals all wounds, eh? We'll see about that. Here are a dozen ego crushers that I haven't quite got over yet. (In no particular order)

1) When my handsome and charming date that I was smitten with didn't kiss me goodnight after my senior prom. Why Chris why? Did I have something in my teeth?

2) Finding out that the Beatles song was about a girl named Michelle. (I still think 'Soquel, my belle' sounds better.)

3) Not being included in my senior yearbook even though I had the lead in the play and rode on the homecoming float.

4) Developing health problems that change my physical appearance - because an additional 80 pounds, bulging eyes, drooping skin, and a hairy chin is not how I see myself.

5) Having my name misspelled or mispronounced continually. I vow that someday everyone will know how to say it and spell it - but just in case S.G. Baumgardner is still my nom de plume

6) Discovering that I was the butt of some mean jokes in my teen years. Really? Dating me was considered punishment? Ouch!

7) Driving several towns away to see a friend who was home visiting from college only to have that friend hide in his or her room to avoid me.

8) Having my birthday continually overlooked. I've already whined about that one.

9) Being rejected by the agent I wanted - worse, being rejected by a few I didn't want. Let's just file this one under temporary disappointment.

10) Hearing my new husband express regrets about his last girlfriend who married when he was on his mission. I'm over that now but still worry that she's prettier.

11) When the last place I worked didn't implode instantly on my departure. Is there no justice in the world?

12) Having America's Funniest Home Videos reject my video.

Well, there you have it. You can see what a frail messed up ego I have. It is ironic that I can take criticism well. I don't mind being 'abused' to my face. I hate when I find out through the grapevine or some other way. It feels like a betrayal by someone who lacks courage. I still get weirded out when I find out that people are talking about me. I can't wrap my mind around the fact that they're usually saying nice things. I get that a lot of things on this list have to do with growing up and becoming mature and I guess I need to allow that not only was I once immature but so were the people who bruised my ego.

As for #1 - prom date with my best guy friend... if said guy had smooched me then, we probably would have dated exclusively and I would have put myself in cold storage until he returned from his mission (then things would have fallen apart when he got back.) I'm a loyal person and can imagine myself avoiding the singles ward to stay out of temptation's way. I would have missed out meeting the great guy that I married. Not to kiss and tell but that guy did smooch me before he left of his mission and it was smoking hot! Thank goodness that Grant is an awesome kisser.