Doogie's Downfall

On the Jukebox: "Remember to Breathe" by Dashboard Confessional
Quote: "I really need to be more careful what I say on this blog." ~ Dr. Horrible
Flair: Sing-Along Blog

Let's get one thing straight: I was never a “Doogie Howser, M.D.” fan. It debuted the year I graduated high school so I was into more evolved shows like “The Wonder Years.” The premise of the Doogie Howser series seemed weak. First of all, if you start practicing medicine at the tender age of 16 maybe you can get people to call you Douglas instead of Doogie – did his patients ever take him seriously with a dumb name like that? I liked that the Boy Wonder kept a journal even if it was cheesy and cryptic. This just proves that he was not the genius that everyone thought he was. Why? Because when he’s an old geezer and reads back over his glory days he’s not going to have a clue what he was talking about.

I know because below is the journal that is full of sound and fury and signifying nothing that I kept for 2 ½ years. Case in point: I barely have a clue what I’m talking about and it’s only been 2 years since my last entry. I recall falling out a moving vehicle on the day we moved from Roy to Layton and some other antics that are alluded to but not detailed. Socrates wrote, "An unexamined life is not worth living." If your life was worth living (and thus examining) shouldn't also be worth remembering and learning from?

What I’m trying to say is learn from me and Doogie. Keeping a journal is a great idea but being clear is also important. It’s one of the reasons why I decided to start blogging on a regular bases – little bits of my normal everyday life leak into my posts and there’s a hefty dose of my personality so I’m pretty sure people can get a good picture of who I am.

Entry for January 2006
Today my doctor gave me the death sentence that may just save my life. Not to be corny, but I am gaining new insight into that saying 'live like you were dying.' It is something I plan to do. I have chosen a simple epitaph that I would like to live up to: a Queen for All Seasons. I'll talk more about that later. Here's to the start of a new journey...'

Entry for Feb 2006
Life goes on. Maybe not as we might have originally hoped or dreamed it would, but often in a better more meaningful way. I am nearing the end of a journey. One that has taken many years. I am eager to reach my destination, but also treasure the experiences I have encountered on my present course.

Entry for March 2006
Today I reached a decision which will impact greatly on my happiness. I need to move forward with my plans and not let naysayers voice either their opinions or concerns. As Billy Joel once said, "They can speak their mind, but not on my time." I am at peace with my choice and am convinced it will add greatly to my personal satisfaction.

Entry for April 2006
Gone with the wind...
As I look back on my time at Sojourn at Three Peaks (S3P) I can see just how far I have come. I am excited about the possibilities that my new home will provide. Who will I become there? I pray that it is the best version of myself to date. S3P was good to me and it was a charming starter home which never fit my needs. I outgrew the people and the place before I even moved in and yet it was a good practice for my new home (which is still in need of a name.)
Today is my first day in my new life. I am ready to step over the edge into the great unknown of my soul. I am armed now with lessons gleaned from the journey, a new appreciation for life, and a greater sense of God's care. Life is sweet and I am ready to reap what comes.

Entry for May 2006
I am making a rapid recovery from my recent injuries - how foolish to fall twice! I worried that my medical condition would cause more issues but am so grateful that all is going well. I have been able to hide this information from my new friends and neighbors. It is refreshing to be around caring people who have no preconceived notions as to what I can and can't do.
I am happy to report that I am well on my way to being my most authentic self. I am so pleased that I have not uttered unkind words of judgment regarding anyone in my new home. I have showed only the sides of myself that I want to develop more fully. I am trying to be as charitable and Christ like as possible.

Entry for June 2006
Oh Happy Day!
We had a small family gathering here in honor of my parent's visit from California and Father's Day. It brought me great joy to have a house full of people I love. It has been hard to be patient waiting for this large home to be filled with more than the two of us and the cats. I know the time will come when it will be bursting from the seams with love and laughter at all times. I am eager for that time, but know good things come to those who wait. My patience has rewarded me time and again with things beyond what I had hoped for. It is the most wonderful of teachers and time will flow by at a steady pace.

Entry for July 2006
Wedded Bliss
Sixteen years of it now... if you can believe it. For my soul mate and eternal companion I am most grateful. His ways are gentle and endearing. His words are filled with kindness and his touch is always tender. I will always appreciate the way he looks at me as though no other woman could ever be more desirable. I love his deep belly laughs, his slightly askew sense of humor, and most of all how he never lets go of my hand. I am so happy that true love will never end and that he and I will always be together forever.

Entry for August 2006
I still have not named my new home but it is beginning to feel like my final destination. We have remodeled and made it our own. It has new stainless steel appliances, new family room carpet, and new light fixtures. I also fauxed a few walls.

Entry for September 2006
Plans for Christmas Revelries are in full swing. I’m calling the project “Big Big Christmas” and I so excited about hosting a special family reunion. What a great excuse to furnish another guest bedroom or two. I’m glad the family suggested the idea when they were here in June. It’s nice to have something good to look forward to. I have been feeling very ill lately. I almost passed out at work. I’m worried. My doctor keeps running tests and taking blood samples every few weeks.

Entry for October 2006
The air is starting to turn crisp and have a slight chill in the mornings. Fall is my favorite time of year. I don't think we will have the much longed for and joked about Sweetest Day wedding this year but I'm sure that the weekend will be beautiful none the less. And I’m sure the girls in my office will have lovely weddings when they find their true loves.

Entry for November 2006
Another November has arrived and already I am counting the many things for which I am truly thankful. I have been blessed beyond measure. In reviewing the many ways that the Lord has provided for my needs I have finally decided on a name for my new home: Pietà Tenere or 'Tender Mercies.'

Entry for December 2006
A full home and a full heart. What more can I ask? We have been having the most wonderful time together at our big family reunion. We finally had the first professional pictures of the big family taken in over 17 years. So many new faces, so many new souls to love. My favorite part of this whole experience was our family home evening on Christmas night. The theme was 'Always Remember' taken from the sacrament prayer and it was a reminder that we should have the true gift of Christmas in our hearts every day of our lives. My heart is full to bursting and if it’s my last Christmas with my family I’m glad it was full of love and testimony.

Entry for January 5, 2007
Hooray for fresh starts. Here I am at the beginning of not only another calendar year but another year in my own life. Normally I would bemoan another birthday as making me older but now I have developed a better appreciation of how sweet a gift life is. I am not too distracted by the hint of crow's feet and the few gray hairs that insist on staying... maybe wisdom will come with them. I am so grateful that my doctor was able to rule out cancer. That’s been weighing on my mind these past few months. I’m still scared by what medical prognosis I’m facing but I know it will be all right. God is with me. As for birthday related news - Grant made a half and half cake this year. Does that mean I only age half as much?

Entry for February 2007
What a cold and rainy month this has been! It is funny to me how much snow we have had this month and when our visiting nieces and nephews would have longed for it when they were here at Christmas. When I see a fresh dusting with no foot prints I wish they were here to make those snow angels for me. It seems appropriate since they are my sweet angels and my brother’s children which makes them true ‘Snow Angels’!

Entry for March 2007
There is light at the end of the tunnel. My husband is nearing the end of his dual major. Just one more class to go. I hope I can hold onto my sanity and hold my tongue. It’s getting hard to go to work in the morning with a smile on my face. I want my freedom and don’t know how much more I can take of these new policies and silly micromanagement.

Entry for April 2007
Are we there yet? My husband's class has been postponed so many times that it is hard to believe that now he is almost finished with it. This will open up so many more possibilities to both of us. The radiation treatment went well. I hope it works.

Entry for May 2007
We just returned from a wonderful and much needed vacation in Mexico. We swam with dolphins, climbed pyramids, did a jungle and snorkeling tour, and enjoyed the beautiful waters. I feel so revitalized and we received an interesting proposal that we’re giving serious thought.

Entry for June 2007
Start the countdown. I have made another big decision. I have given notice at my 'day' job. I have been presented with several other opportunities recently. I can manage my friend’s boutique or stay at home and work for myself in one of several capacities. It’s wonderful to have choices. Hooray for agency.

Entry for July 2007
Shh, it's a secret. We're expanding our family and it’s not another cat. I can’t believe this adoption is actually going to work out but it’s looking good. We’ve even ordered new nursery furniture
17 years of wedded bliss. Hooray!

Entry for August 2007
Grant’s parents and brother Jordan came for a visit. We weren’t able to present our son Darris Breckan to them. He decided to stay with his birth parents. We’re happy for them. I was a little scared to be alone with a newborn while Grant is gone. We were fortunate to get a full refund on our nursery furnishings. I’m keeping my baby shower gifts.

Entry for September 2007
There is an ocean between us. My love is in Iraq with the Air Force. God Speed.

Entry for October 2007
Our long awaited pregnancy was short lived due to complications from the radiation treatments I had earlier this year. I have to have another surgery. I'm very grateful for the Lord's tender mercies and know all will be well. I don't know where this strength is coming from. I want to be in Grant's arms and sob. It was a surprise to discover that I had been pregnant since July. I only told my parents and my best friend so I’m grateful I don’t have to explain it over and over again. My little ‘Stardust’ will wait for me in Heaven.

Entry for November 2007
Made a speedy recovery. Decided to do most of my recouping in Santa Maria with family. Read the Twilight books and thought they ‘sucked’ and I can do better. Jay challenged me to put my money where my mouth is. My mouth is big enough so I think I will.

Entry for December 2007
Have kept myself very busy. Managed to crank out first 100 pages of Work in Progress in just under two weeks. If I keep my pace up I should have an estimated 500 pages done of the first draft by beginning of the year. The research took longer than I anticipated but has yielded a great deal of subplot possibilities. It feels good to create life even if it’s only on paper. It will be interesting to watch my ‘children’ grow. Went back to Santa Maria for Christmas.

Entry for January 2008
Have managed to catch every flu bug, virus, and bad break that is going around. Also managed to destroy my computer. I am hoping that Grant can recover the main hard drive. Meanwhile have bought a small replacement computer but have no plans to get too attached to it. Between computer issues and illness have made no progress with my writing. I’m so glad he’ll be home soon. PS: had a birthday that was again overlooked. llama llama duck!

Entry for February 2008
Still at it. Outlined a few chapters for Work in Progress. I should look into getting a part time job since Grant will be coming home from Iraq soon. Who knows how long it will take to get something published.

Entry for March 2008
Grant did not come home from Iraq yet (bummer.) I have managed to maintain a grip on reality despite being very disappointed. I have made great strides on Forks - about another 100 pages. Sometimes when talking with my friends about this book I refer to it as "the Great American Novel" or "Jane Austen in a Blender" I've done a good job at disguising what the book is really about. It should be a surprise when someone finally gets to read the finished draft.

Entry for April 2008
Not much new to report. I am still kicking around in this big house all on my own. We think now Grant might get to come home in June but I'm not going to hold my breath. The situation is pretty bleak but I feel great peace. I'm going to make the best use of this time off of work (while his war pay is taking care of our bills.) I'm now another 100 pages into Forks. It is starting to amaze me how good the story is becoming for something that I originally labeled 'My throat clearing, knuckle cracking, warming up, throw-away book.'

Entry for May 2008
Well here it is May and no big surprise, still no Grant. His orders have been extended so maybe next month. I'm beginning to sound like a broken record. On the plus side I am now 445 pages into Forks which will probably be a 550 page book. I'm writing as much as possible in hopes of having a finished draft completed before Grant gets home. The book got another nickname, "Four weddings and One Hundred Funerals" so I'm sure my friends will be surprised when they actually read it. One of my friends recently guessed a major plot twist based on the Jane Austen in a blender conversation but I hope my startled expression didn't confirm it for her. It should be shocking when people discover the how bizarre the love triangle really is! My goal is get this thing done in the next few weeks so I can get some feedback and get to the rewrites. The only people who have seen anything are my in-laws who I gave the first 100 pages to at Christmas to prove I was working on the goal we discussed. Their comment was, "When is it going to get funny?" Apparently I am such a smart a$$ that everything I say or write should sound like me. This book is more of a sci-fi fantasy romance thriller type thing so I can't say it will get much funnier until like the 18th draft. Sorry folks!